Cambridge IELTS 16 Writing Task 1 Test 1 Evaluated Sample Essay

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.Write at least 150 words. More than a century ago, housework was time consuming  time-consuming (Note: it is hyphenated word, that means it is a single word), as it was almost all done manually. With the introduction of electrical appliances, this is not the case any longer. This essay (Correction: It is not an essay. It is a report.) will discuss the changes in the percentage of households that are done using electrical appliances, as well as the time spent per household between 1920 and 2019.Early in 1920, around 30 percent and 40 percent of households were achieved using vacuum cleaners and washing machines respectively. These figures have increased steadily for vacuum cleaners and the housework done using them are almost 100 percent in 2019.  The increase for washing machines is less prominent and is only slightly above 70 percent in 2019. The use of refrigerators started after the vacuum cleaner and washing machines. However, the growth of its use rate is the most noticeable among all, where it reached 100 percent in the 1980s.The use of the previously mentioned appliances has saved much time for humanity. The number of weekly hours needed for housework decreased distinctly (Note: We can use other better synonym here as well like steadily etc. ) from 50 hours weekly per household in 1920 to almost only 10 hours per week in 2019. Such a dramatic, time-saving change illustrates how technology can be used to save time and increase productivity.All in all, there is an increased percentage of using washing machines, vacuum cleaners, and refrigerators during the last century. This increase was accompanied by decreased weekly hours needed to do households.


  1. The report length is 235 words, which is quite high. The more we write, the more we are prone to errors. Try to restrict to 150-200 words maximum, or 180 words on average.
  2. The first sentence in first paragraph is undesired because it is not an essay. Such type of introduction is written in Task 2 (Essay). Please don’t mix two writing tasks style, as it will confuse the examiner. The writing should be clear, concise and sharp. Give a brief introduction of both the charts in the first paragraph in 1-2 sentences, not more. Please check my example below:
“The first line chart exemplifies the percentage of households owing electrical appliances in one country from 1920 to 2019, while the second graph represents amount of time spent doing housework over the same period.”
  • I have tried to use ‘while’: That demonstrates the linking word and compound sentence structure used.
  • I have used words like ‘exemplifies’, ‘represents’: That demonstrates the vocabulary range.
  • I have not repeated the word again. The second chart is termed as ‘graph’ while the first is termed as ‘chart’, both are correct, and repetition of same word I have restricted.
  • I have explained that I will be talking about entire century (1920-2019) and also I will be talking about two graphs in forthcoming paragraphs.
  1. Clearly mention the chart name. In this case it is ‘line chart’. Examiner wants to know if we understood the basic concepts of graphs/charts and what is it called. 
  2. Second paragraph is written quite well. The last sentence, in particular, with utilization of words like ‘However’, is quite nicely explained. There are other minor errors, like ‘household’ instead of ‘housework’ in some places in entire report. 
  3. In the third paragraph, I have tried to make some corrections above. Also, I have tried to rephrase the same context in below words:
“As the country became technologically advanced, the amount of time spent doing housework fell sharply from 50 to 15 hours per week between 1920 to 1980, while the further drop was gradual to 10 hours/week by the end of 2019.”
  1. There is limited utilization of linking words, adverbs to make compound sentences, they are very important that adds value to sentence structuring. Words like Furthermore, Although, besides etc, are some examples that can help. 
  2. The last paragraph has two simple sentences, it can be combined to make one single sentence that would make the sentence precise and sharp as below: 
“Overall, the utilization of electrical appliances is inversely proportional to the time spent per week on household chores in the last century.”
  1. The cohesion and flow of the paragraphs was superb, and it demonstrated the streamlined flow of paragraphing which is good. Try to maintain that way. 
  2. There are certain words that are repeated quite often like:
    1. Household- used 8 times
    2. Percent – used 5 times
    3. Increase/increased – used 5 times
Repeating same words can restrict band score in Lexical resource and it is important to demonstrate wide variety of vocabulary in the task.

Overall evaluation

Overall, the score stands at 6.
  • Lexical Resource: 6
  • Grammar Range and Accuracy: 6
  • Task Achievement/Response: 6
  • Coherence and Cohesion: 6
We have published several articles and guidelines for Cambridge IELTS writing task1 and task 2.  These articles cover the tips when it comes to IELTS writing. If you have some questions, please feel free to ask in comments below. Thanks for reading this article and share it with your friends so they can prevent these common mistakes.